I’ve always been a bit of a loner. I prefer to stay on my own than go out with a group of people. So, when I was diagnosed with RA I wasn’t surprised I isolated myself even further.
Pride and embarrasment fueled this transition and I found myself pushing everyone away. I have always done this when I find myself weak: weak mentally and now, weak physically. I didn’t want people to see me in a state of pain, disability and sadness. But, friendship is a two way street and I would frequently counter the generic “oh wow, I haven’t heard from you in a while” with a “you could have reached out to me”. You know what my “friends” said?
“Out of sight, out of mind.”
Who can blame them. I hibernate and shy away from the world so how can I expect anyone to care enough to check in on me. There’s more to this, though. Most people find my RA a burden. I’m not sure why when they don’t have to live with this disabiling, disfiguring illness every second of every day. But, because humans are inately selfish, they believe that my illness affects them in some way.
I have never asked my friends for help or accomodations so I don’t know where this annoyance comes from. I know how to take care of myself and I know how to handle situations on my own so…
Why do people get annoyed with me for something I can’t control and that I don’t make anyone else’s problem?
Constant isolation destroys the human psyche. We are social animals who crave attention but honestly, I’ve only experienced negative feelings towards me so I continue to be on my own even though I know it will eventually lead to my own distruction.
Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.
