Category Archives: Rheumatoid Arthritis

Just Some of the Reasons I’m Stressed || #stress #disability

13 Sunday Sep 2020

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Let’s start with the obvious. My medications are not working as well as they should so they cut out early (before my next dose) and I become fatigued and painful.

This has always been a problem but now that I am in school and I need to focus, study and retain information, it’s just a bit harder to function properly when my body doesn’t cooperate.

My eyes are tired dry from Sjogren’s. I cannot read a computer screen or a device screens for long periods of time. I have to take frequent breaks which just eats away quickly at the day. I hate glasses and that I have to wear them all the time. I cannot wear contacts. I hate that I have to constantly push my glasses up the bridge of my nose. I hate that they fall off, especially when I look down or sweat. I hate that because they move around so much I get headaches. I hate glasses.
I hate that they don’t even make my contact prescription anymore. I have to buy them just slightly higher and lower than my actual prescription so I just can’t see. I hate that I have to wear glasses. I hate that I get headaches.
I hate that I wake up every morning with a sinus headache that carries through the day. I hate that I am on medications that cause these stupid sinus issues.
I hate that I wake up in pain. I hate that I am in pain every second of every day. I hate that this is my life.

I hate everyone who goes out without a mask and takes selfies with people who are not in their quaran-pod. Great, you social distance and wear a mask…but take it off for a photo? You’re an idiot and you’re the reason why this pandemic carries on the way it does. I hope you are not responsible for someone’s death; but, you probably are. Think about that for a second.
You ARE definitely responsible for me not being able to go back to work safely. So thanks.
I hate that I didn’t get my stimulus check. I hate that I make less than 50% of what I made before. Money is tight. I have four pets to care for and now I have to pay for school.
I wonder every day is this really going to be the rest of my life. A life where I am enslaved to my body. A life where I hate waking up every morning because I have to put on glasses that don’t fit and feel pain with every movement and hate everyone because they’re stupid and selfish. How sustainable is this type of life? It’s a not a good life. It’s not even an okay life. But, I just have to deal and get on with it. Wow. Can you imagine, waking up and not looking forward to anything because it all sucks?

Yeah, that’s pretty damn pathetic. But, it is what it is. And that’s just too bad for me.

Also, this new WordPress is real shit. WordPress, why did you have to fix it? The other editor was perfectly fine. In fact, it was perfect compared to this mess of a situation. I would switch platforms but I paid for this domain for a year. ::Shrug::

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Like what you see? Please consider supporting my content by donating through PayPal or Venmo: @Monica-Sengupta!

What You Don’t See 7/4/20 | #invisibleillness #rheumatoidarthritis

04 Saturday Jul 2020

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What You Don't See Chronic Illness Invisible Symptoms Rheumatoid Arthritis | Monica with RA Beauty BloggerWhat You See…

This photo was taken Friday or Saturday night before I went out. I applied a dark brown eyeshadow over my lid (to minimize the appearance of swelling), smudged an eye pencil across the top and bottom lash line, and added a couple of swipes of mascara. A well-placed highlighter and lip gloss revived my pale countenance and made me look a bit more alive.

What You Don’t See…

Behind the forced smile and bright eyes, I was beyond fatigued. I wasn’t in a flare or in a lot of pain but my body was just spent. What people didn’t realize is it took a lot more energy than the average able-bodied person, to complete simple tasks. By the end of the day, I was tired and ready for bed.

‘Cancel your plans,’ you say! Ah, if it were that simple. Occasionally, I have to show face at hangouts.
When a healthy person says they are too tired their friends might say “that’s okay! Next time!”
When an ill person says they’re too tired their friends ASSUME the person will bail the next time, and the invites stop.

I have to make an insane amount of effort to socialize. It sucks sometimes because I like being around people but it just takes energy I just don’t have!

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What You Don’t See 6/18/20 | #chronicliving

18 Thursday Jun 2020

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Chronic illnesses like Rheumatoid Arthritis, or Rheumatoid Disease, are often called invisible illnesses because their symptoms, though rampant, are not seen on the outside. You cannot see the fatigue and pain I experience daily. You cannot see the swelling and immobility that happen around my joints. And, often, you cannot see a host of other problems that are adjacent to my autoimmune disease.

What You Don't See Series Chronic Invisible Symptoms Illness | Monica with RA Blog Rheumatoid ArthritisFor this photo, I did a fun smokey eye because I was feeling better after my flare. While the pain and inflammation were a lot less I was still dealing with other issues.

Most notably, every time I moved or fixed my hair, strands upon strands of it fell out.
This is a new phenomenon and if you look at my hair pulled back you can see some thinning and bald spots.
From this photo, you can see a well-placed hairstyle can hide all of that!

Interested in my previous installment of the series? Check it out here.

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Like what you see? Please consider supporting my content by donating through PayPal or Venmo: @Monica-Sengupta!

Satisfied Sunday 6/7/20 | #gratitude

08 Monday Jun 2020

Posted by in Just for Fun, Rheumatoid Arthritis

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Sunsilk Sengupta Gratitude Satisified Sunday | Monica with RA blog Chronic Illness Rheumatoid Arthritis Grateful and Love

There is a lot going on and with the discussion of privilege so prevalent in our society, it feels awkward to talk about the good things happening in our lives. But, I think it is important to acknowledge that good things are happening and we are grateful for what we have.

This week I am grateful that Sunsilk (and Affie) are still alive and healthy. They are both quite old. Sunsilk is 17 and Affie is nearly 15. I don’t know how much longer I have with them so I am making the most of the time I have left.

What are you grateful for this week? Let me know in the comments. 🙂

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Like what you see? Please consider supporting my content by donating through PayPal or Venmo: @Monica-Sengupta!
(Please note, any contributions will be donated to charities supporting black activism)

What You Don’t See | #chronicliving #rheumatoidarthritis

06 Saturday Jun 2020

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What You Don't See - Rheumatoid Arthritis Invisible Illness Invisible Symptoms Blog Post | Monica with RA

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The thing about invisible illnesses is in the name. They are invisible. Most of the time you cannot see the symptoms as they present themselves. From looking at a person with a chronic illness, like Rheumatoid Arthritis, you cannot see the pain, the fatigue, and the constant battle their body fights against itself.

What You Don't See - Rheumatoid Arthritis Invisible Illness Invisible Symptoms Blog Post | Monica with RAI took some makeup selfies the other day with Sunsilk and looking back on the photos you could never guess that I was in a terrible flare.

What You Don't See - Rheumatoid Arthritis Invisible Illness Invisible Symptoms Blog Post | Monica with RAWhat you saw: an ear to ear grin because it was sunny, I was wearing makeup and I was with my cat.

What you didn’t see: that my skin was dry as a desert, that my lips were chronically bleeding and my hair was falling out in clumps.


What You Don't See - Rheumatoid Arthritis Invisible Illness Invisible Symptoms Blog Post | Monica with RAPeople with invisible illnesses are great actors. Even while we feel sick and terrible we have to play “able-bodied” and march on with life.

What you see: I walk my dogs at least two hours a day without a grimace. I clean and change the cat litter. I bend down to pick up Affie and Sunsilk. I climb the stairs to the kitchen to feed them. I cook their food.

What you don’t see: I am in so much pain it takes my entire existence to move. I experience so much of it I seriously consider taking a drill to my foot because that pain is probably less than what I feel right now.

 

What You Don't See - Rheumatoid Arthritis Invisible Illness Invisible Symptoms Blog Post | Monica with RADon’t get it wrong, I don’t always feel THIS bad but when I do, I can’t call in sick to my life. I have to keep moving forward.

Just remember, what you see in a photo is never the whole story. There is always something you don’t see.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Like what you see? Please consider supporting my content by donating through PayPal or Venmo: @Monica-Sengupta!
(Please note, any contributions will be donated to charities supporting black activism)

The thing about invisible illnesses is in the name. They are invisible. Most of the time you cannot see the symptoms as they present themselves. From looking at a person with a chronic illness, you cannot see the pain, the fatigue, and the constant battle their body fights against itself.

I took some makeup selfies the other day with Sunsilk and looking back on the photos you could never guess that I was in a terrible flare.

What you saw: a ear to ear grin because it was sunny, I was wearing makeup and I was with my cat.

What you didn’t see: that my skin has been dry as the a desert, that my lips have been bleeding and my hair is falling out in clumps.

People with invisible illnesses are great actors. Even while we feel sick and terrible we have to play “able-bodied” and march on with life.

What you see: I walk my dogs at least two hours a day without a grimace. I clean and change the cat litter. I bend down to pick up Affie and Sunsilk. I climb the stairs to the kitchen to feed them. I cook their food.

What you don’t see: I am in so much pain that I seriously consider taking a power drill to my foot because that pain is less than what I am feeling. Every move I make takes my entire existence but, I keep going because I have to.

Do Better | #chronicliving

04 Thursday Jun 2020

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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The one big thing that I have learned about myself over the last few days is just how passive I’ve become. I am not just talking about the specific happenings in the United States but about everything.
I have a platform, I have influence (however small) and I need to use it. What’s the point if I don’t speak out on the issues that matter to me? I have gone pretty quiet on my social media and that’s not okay.

Yes, I need to educate myself on racial matters but I also need to speak about other things. I initially began my blog/social media to educate others about living with chronic illnesses. I haven’t spoken about that in a long time. I share my story but that’s it. I can do more.
On my Youtube, I like making “trash talk” videos or, empties, because I like using things up, I don’t like waste, and I try to be nature conscious. I don’t talk about it but I should.

I need to. I can. I should do better.

I don’t know what form this will take yet. Maybe I start with being more vocal and posting more. Maybe I start making nail art videos for IG where I show arthritis-friendly techniques. Maybe I start publicly breaking down my privilege? I don’t know yet.

But, I know that I need to change and speak up.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Like what you see? Please consider supporting my content by donating through PayPal or Venmo: @Monica-Sengupta!
(Please note, any contributions will be donated to charities supporting black activism)

Hi, I’m Monica and I am Immunocompromised | #rheumatoidarthritis

15 Sunday Mar 2020

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I am in that vulnerable category everyone is talking about. If I contract Coronavirus I am at high risk of developing complications from it, including death.

Yet, even though I am fully aware of this scary truth, I have never been so calm.

Ten years of working in a veterinary clinic, ten years with Rheumatoid Arthritis and almost 20 years with multiple pets have prepared me for this very moment. The moment I prove I can survive.

I know how to wash my hands properly, I know how to maintain a sanitary environment, I know to avoid large crowds and people who are sick.

I know how to stay healthy.

 

Yes, CO-VID 19 is front and center, spreading at unprecedented rates but I have been fighting to stay healthy for many years. Complications from a simple cold, caught at work, or bacterial infection, from a tiny cat scratch, could have serious repercussions for me. I live my life with the constant threat that my body cannot save itself if it gets sick.

That is my reality.

Just because Coronavirus exists doesn’t mean I am any more vulnerable than I have been for the last decade. I am tired of hearing (through the media) that I need to be protected like some helpless lamb.

My immunocompromised state actually makes me uniquely qualified of riding out this storm; definitely more so than the average person who has the privilege of perfect physical health.

Don’t tell me I will die if I get the Coronavirus. I know that. I also know I could die from any other attack on my non-functional immune system. I am not incopetent, I am not incapable. In fact, this is where I will dominate.

For the first time since my diagnosis, I feel powerful. I feel in control of my body, my disease, and my life.

I take daily precautions to minimize the risk of illness. I am protected in ways most people are not. I am already fighting against winter cold and flu. Now is the best time for me to challenge everything else.

If I get sick, I will develop acute symptoms much sooner than the 14-day incubation period of this disease. This makes me less likely to pass on the virus to anyone else, unknowingly, which in turn, protects others.

This pandemic is not scary to me. If I get COVID-19, I will handle it the same way I always do: take care that the symptoms don’t worsen and I continue to give my body the best fighting chance.

 

Hi, I’m Monica and I have RA. I am immunocompromised and I am ready.

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