Just Some of the Reasons I’m Stressed || #stress #disability

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Let’s start with the obvious. My medications are not working as well as they should so they cut out early (before my next dose) and I become fatigued and painful.

This has always been a problem but now that I am in school and I need to focus, study and retain information, it’s just a bit harder to function properly when my body doesn’t cooperate.

My eyes are tired dry from Sjogren’s. I cannot read a computer screen or a device screens for long periods of time. I have to take frequent breaks which just eats away quickly at the day. I hate glasses and that I have to wear them all the time. I cannot wear contacts. I hate that I have to constantly push my glasses up the bridge of my nose. I hate that they fall off, especially when I look down or sweat. I hate that because they move around so much I get headaches. I hate glasses.
I hate that they don’t even make my contact prescription anymore. I have to buy them just slightly higher and lower than my actual prescription so I just can’t see. I hate that I have to wear glasses. I hate that I get headaches.
I hate that I wake up every morning with a sinus headache that carries through the day. I hate that I am on medications that cause these stupid sinus issues.
I hate that I wake up in pain. I hate that I am in pain every second of every day. I hate that this is my life.

I hate everyone who goes out without a mask and takes selfies with people who are not in their quaran-pod. Great, you social distance and wear a mask…but take it off for a photo? You’re an idiot and you’re the reason why this pandemic carries on the way it does. I hope you are not responsible for someone’s death; but, you probably are. Think about that for a second.
You ARE definitely responsible for me not being able to go back to work safely. So thanks.
I hate that I didn’t get my stimulus check. I hate that I make less than 50% of what I made before. Money is tight. I have four pets to care for and now I have to pay for school.
I wonder every day is this really going to be the rest of my life. A life where I am enslaved to my body. A life where I hate waking up every morning because I have to put on glasses that don’t fit and feel pain with every movement and hate everyone because they’re stupid and selfish. How sustainable is this type of life? It’s a not a good life. It’s not even an okay life. But, I just have to deal and get on with it. Wow. Can you imagine, waking up and not looking forward to anything because it all sucks?

Yeah, that’s pretty damn pathetic. But, it is what it is. And that’s just too bad for me.

Also, this new WordPress is real shit. WordPress, why did you have to fix it? The other editor was perfectly fine. In fact, it was perfect compared to this mess of a situation. I would switch platforms but I paid for this domain for a year. ::Shrug::

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

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Red Velvet Sugar-Spin Nails | #nailart #sugarspin

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I love painting my nails and doing nail art but sitting down and doing them has been like pulling teeth during this pandemic. I think the reluctance comes from how much I wash my hands right now. I already do a lot of that because of the pets but now it’s twice or three times as much and nail polish does not stand a chance.
I change my nails often but I do want wear them for at least a couple of days. LOL.
That being said, sometimes, the call for nail art is just too strong and I have to give in. I had an overwhelming urge to do a sugar-spin (which I do have to take off immediately because it takes too long to dry). ‘Why do you do it then, Monica??’ You may ask. Well, there is something really soothing about this technique for me. It’s my favorite. But, let me say in no uncertain terms. It is NOT an arthritis-friendly technique. Let me repeat, this technique is not arthritis-friendly. As much as I would love to do it all the time, my poor swollen, rheumatoid arthritis-ridden fingers can’t manage it.

It’s been a while since I last did this kind of nail art but I am thrilled with the result. It looks like a delectable red velvet cupcake with frosting and sprinkles! What do you think? Do you like it?

If you are interested, scroll down to see the products I used and watch a short tutorial on how I do my sugar-spin nails!

Red Velvet Cupcakes with Sugar-spin Frosting Nail Art, Sugar Spin Nail Art with Wet n Wild and Zoya Nail Polishes | Monica with RA Rheumatoid Arthritis Blog

Base: Wet n Wild Burgundy Frost

Details: Zoya Aspen (sugar-spin), China Glaze #thisismystreet (sprinkles)

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Satisfied Sunday 8/16/20 | #gratitude

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What are you grateful for this week?

Satisfied Sunday Gratitude Blog Post | Monica with RA Rheumatoid Arthritis Chronic Illness Blogger

Me? Sunsilk is still alive. I took her to the vets soon after Marmalade passed away because I noticed symptoms I didn’t notice when both cats were alive (they shared resources so it was sometimes hard to see pet-specific issues). I found out that Sunsilk’s heart and kidneys were deteriorating very quickly and the vet anticipated that she wouldn’t last six months. Well, we’re there and Sunsilk is still here.

Satisfied Sunday Gratitude Blog Post | Monica with RA Rheumatoid Arthritis Chronic Illness Blogger

I, of course, could be writing a “RIP” at the end of this week, we don’t know. But, as of RIGHT NOW, Sunsilk is still alive and kicking…literally.

Satisfied Sunday Gratitude Blog Post | Monica with RA Rheumatoid Arthritis Chronic Illness Blogger

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.


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Satisfied Sunday | 8/9/20 #gratitude

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What are you grateful for this week?

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Me? While the pandemic has changed our entire trajectory as a species, it made it so I can return to school a little earlier than anticipated. Given my immuno-compromised state, I can take my classes safely from home (which is not in the same state as my school). I planned to return in a year or so. My father and I began discussing the logistics of moving, what would we do with the pets, etc. but now, we have a little more time to figure it all out!…and I can start school!

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.


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What You Don’t See 7/4/20 | #invisibleillness #rheumatoidarthritis

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What You Don't See Chronic Illness Invisible Symptoms Rheumatoid Arthritis | Monica with RA Beauty BloggerWhat You See…

This photo was taken Friday or Saturday night before I went out. I applied a dark brown eyeshadow over my lid (to minimize the appearance of swelling), smudged an eye pencil across the top and bottom lash line, and added a couple of swipes of mascara. A well-placed highlighter and lip gloss revived my pale countenance and made me look a bit more alive.

What You Don’t See…

Behind the forced smile and bright eyes, I was beyond fatigued. I wasn’t in a flare or in a lot of pain but my body was just spent. What people didn’t realize is it took a lot more energy than the average able-bodied person, to complete simple tasks. By the end of the day, I was tired and ready for bed.

‘Cancel your plans,’ you say! Ah, if it were that simple. Occasionally, I have to show face at hangouts.
When a healthy person says they are too tired their friends might say “that’s okay! Next time!”
When an ill person says they’re too tired their friends ASSUME the person will bail the next time, and the invites stop.

I have to make an insane amount of effort to socialize. It sucks sometimes because I like being around people but it just takes energy I just don’t have!


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Say His Name: Elijah McClain | #blacklivesmatter

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Neon Rainbow Nail Art - Justice for Elijah McClain, Say His Name | Monica with RAOn August 24, 2019, in Colorado, Elijah McClain was walking home after buying an iced tea for his brother. He was anemic and wore an open-faced ski mask to keep himself warm. Police officers responded to a call about a “suspicious person” and, without cause, restrained Elijah, placed him in a carotid hold, threatened him, and then dosed him with ketamine. All these actions resulted in Elijah’s eventual cardiac death.

All instances of racial injustice are horrifying but this one hit a little differently with me.

First, this took place in CO, a state I call a second home because I went to university in Fort Collins. Second, Elijah was ill and took precautions to keep himself safe. I often wear sweatpants, sweatshirts, and hats to keep myself warm, even in the summer. I understand what Elijah was doing. These circumstances do not make him a “suspicious person”.

The officers responded aggressively and unnecessarily because apparently, Elijah was fighting back. From the video footage, it is clear Elijah did no such thing. He was a scared kid who was assaulted by power-drunk policemen who used any excuse to detain a black man.

Elijah was sick and vomiting. He couldn’t breathe. He said these things and the police used them to threaten canine action and dope him. He was too weak to fight back. Why did they need to sedate him?

Ketamine could be deadly to anyone with anemia and in conjunction with a carotid hold, Elijah never stood a chance.

It’s devastating that a kid who contributed so much to life was robbed of it too soon because of his race. Being black did not make him a person of interest. Being black did not make him a questionable character. He was ill and tried to live the best he could given the circumstances. A racist person called the police because they thought a black man, walking alone did not belong in their neighborhood.

Neon Rainbow Nail Art - Justice for Elijah McClain, Say His Name, Black Lives Matter | Monica with RAColorado, you failed. How can you keep these officers in the field knowing they could murder someone else. You are placing the safety of your residents in the hands of criminals.

Fire the police officers involved. Try them for murder. Put them away. Administrative leave pay is not okay. People you hired to uphold the law killed an innocent person.

Colorado, you scare me. I used to be so proud to call Colorado my home. I was excited to go back. Now, I am scared. I wear sweatpants and sweatshirts because I have Rheumatoid Arthritis and I cannot always wear “acceptable” clothing. I wear hats, even in summer, because I get severely cold. I wear sunglasses because my eyes are really sensitive to sunlight.

Are you telling me I cannot walk around with my sweatshirt hood pulled over my head because some white jackass will call the police on me? They won’t see a girl or a veterinary medicine student. They will only see a person of color who doesn’t fit in. Are you telling me it’s okay that when the police officers respond to the call they will restrain me first and ask questions later? Is it okay that the same people you think keep your citizens safe will definitely hurt me because I am small and sick?

Think about that. That sounds absurd written out like that. But, you caused this.

Instead of enjoying student life, working towards vet school, and helping others, I have to worry that in minutes all of my goals and dreams could be snuffed out because I am not white.

The people you employ to keep your citizens safe killed one of them for no other reason than the color of his skin. You want me to trust that they will keep me safe, too? They are murderers. By definition these officers are NOT SAFE.

To the police officers who killed Elijah McClain – you murdered a very special person. He was a massage therapist who took away other people’s pain. He was an animal lover. He was a musician. He shared love and positivity. He had family. He had friends. He was only enjoying his life which you then took away without any thought.

Say his name. Bring justice to Elijah McClain.

 

Below are a handful of resources to bring awareness to Elijah, including the petition link to re-open the investigation, the GoFundMe page for the foundation in his honor, and the numbers of the CO representatives to demand change.

Petition to Re-Open Elijah’s Murder Investigation

GoFundMe Fundraiser in Honor of Elijah

Demand Justice by calling CO Representatives

Official Instagram Account – Justice for Elijah McClain

Campaign Zero

The National Police Accountability Project

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.


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(All contributions to this post will go directly to  the NPAP.)

It’s Satisfied Sunday! (6/28/20) | #chronicliving #gratitude

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What are you grateful for this week?

Monica with RA Beauty Rheumatoid Arthritis Blogger | Satisfied Sunday, Weekly Gratitude Blog Post Cats PetsMe?

Sunsilk is stable and her appetite is increasing. She has not gained any weight but she is more alert and active!

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.


Like what you see? Please consider supporting my content by donating through PayPal or Venmo: @Monica-Sengupta!