Tag Archives: flare

All in my Mind?

16 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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My doctor tells me that I have a very interesting case of RA. Even during a flare, I do not show outward inflammation. We have talked about taking a MRI to measure the amount of inflammation but neither of us feel strongly about it.

I was never a hypochondriac. Part of me thought that because I was small, people would assume I could not take the same amount of pain or stress as someone larger than me. Because of that whenever I hurt myself I would not make a big deal of it. I would not take pain medication. I would power through. So when I started feeling RA symptoms I knew something else was going on. I sustained a wrist injury for many months before I was diagnosed, but my orthopedist knew that the emerging symptoms were not based on the injury alone.

Now, two years after the initial diagnosis, I can feel the slightest difference in my joints. Everything from my ankle does not roll as easily or I bend at the hips more frequently than at the knees.

This makes me uneasy. I know the difference between being out of shape or tired and a flare. Lately, though, everything feels like it causes a flare: climbing, going for a walk, cooking the dog food. I wonder if I am planting a seed of insecurity in my mind that tells me that I no matter what I do, I will flare. I hope not.

Whenever I flare up, I think:

Why do I think I am experiencing a flare?

Is it just based on pain?

Is it based on mobility?

I am basing this current flare on lethargy. I can tell this is a flare because I am uncharacteristically tired. All. The. Time. I nap twice a day and still sleep at night. I can not wake up in the morning which usually comes easily to me. It takes more energy to stir the dog food and carry the dog bowls. I feel strain climbing the stairs or bending down to pick up the pets. My fingers and elbows cramp up more quickly and my shoulders are more painful than usual. A morning does not go by that I am not dropping something. Two days ago, I nearly shattered the dog bowl and a handful of drinking glasses.

More often than not I feel like a hypochondriac but I have to remember that I can gauge a flare in concrete terms that hopefully put those insecure thoughts at bay.

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

August Blues

12 Monday Aug 2013

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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Back in June, I quit my full-time job. I felt great within days. The absence of stress really affected how my body felt. For two months, the frequency and severity of my flares were less. I climbed more often and became more active.

Then, for no apparent reason, I flared up badly. I had trouble managing my daily routine. My activity level dropped significantly, and with it, so did my positive mentality. I became more depressed, lethargic, and anxious.

This all happened when I was on 8mg of prednisone. I was thrilled. This was the closest I had come to my life-time “maintenance” dose of 5mg since I was diagnosed.

I was allowed to increase the prednisone, as needed, so I decided to increase to 11mg. It didn’t do anything. Reluctantly, I increased to 12mg. For me, 12mg of prednisone brought insomnia, anxiety, and mood changes. Anything higher and I was a wreck, so I proceeded with caution.

I stayed on 12mg for a week and ,physically, I felt great. My energy level increased and I was more willing to stay active. My mood didn’t get any better. I figured it was because of the medication so I’ve started to decrease, in hopes that I would become more positive. I am at 10mg but I still feel lousy.

When I look back over the last year, I see that I felt the lowest in August. Why August? The weather is beautiful, there is a ton to do, it stays light out for longer, but I still feel depressed. I change my routine but I still feel restless. I don’t want to go out or hang out with friends. Before, I’d jump at the chance to make plans, but now I have to force myself to be social.

 

I’ve been in the same place for three years now and maybe I just need a change of scenery. Hopefully, I can manage a vacation weekend, just to clear my head. It’s possible I just feel stagnant.

 

I’m hoping, like last year, this is just a phase and soon I will feel better but I’m struggling to pin point why I feel this way.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

How Much Pain is Too Much Pain?

27 Sunday Jan 2013

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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I consider myself lucky. My mobility is not greatly effected. I feel pain, yet I am still mobile. I can walk, I can care for my pets, I can brush my teeth, I can turn on a faucet. I can do everything pretty much the same. It is painful and the stiffness makes it difficult, but I am able.

I am not sure how I should feel or how this disease should progress. I have done my research but sometimes it feels like my RA takes a different course.

 

Is it supposed to be painful whenever I do anything? It is.

Should I see visible signs of the disease? I don’t.

When my doctor tests the range of my joints, should it be smaller or larger or the same? Some days its the same, some days its smaller.

 

I don’t measure the pain anymore. That pain will always be there, every second of every day. Being in pain is the new normal. I am only 23 years old and I am in chronic pain. Just typing that sounds ridiculous to me…I am an athlete. In order to perform my best, I can’t be in pain. Pain not only affects me physically but it affects me mentally as well. It stops me from pushing myself to be greater at the sport. Sure, being in pain means that I am pushing myself too much and I should take a step back. Where is line when I started exercising in pain? How much pain is too much?

I am a rock-climber. I am not good at any other sports. Never have been, and I am okay with that. I am good at rock-climbing. At least, I used to be. Even so, I love it. Rock-climbing is so freeing. Over the past year I started climbing again at a nearby gym. When I felt great, I climbed well. I was nearly at the same level of difficulty that I was at when I peaked. Recently, I no longer commit to the sport like I used to. Before, I tried to get better to raise my level of difficulty and to work on my technique. Now, I am climbing the same safe climbs that I know I can climb without falling. I’m not trying anymore. I am complacent. Is that normal?

Maybe it has something to do with my recent flare-up. The worst I have had since I was first diagnosed. My doctor medically grounded me for two weeks. No work, no climbing. I switched my medication for the umpteenth time and I am still waiting for it to fully work.

Maybe I am just scared to try and fail. If I place myself in a situation where I feel like I am succeeding, even with my condition, I feel like I am dealing with it well. But then again, what kind of life am I leading if I am no longer trying to motivate or better myself?

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.