…When you see a face like that?
(I received this picture through an email so I don’t know what the true source is)
Posted by MonicawithRA | Filed under Just for Fun
How Can You Not Smile….
03 Sunday Feb 2013
To Rest or Not to Rest…I Choose the Latter.
03 Sunday Feb 2013
Posted in Rheumatoid Arthritis
To Rest or Not to Rest…I Choose the Latter.
A friend and co-worker of mine recently wrote a blog post on taking rest days. I started writing a comment when all of a sudden it was at least three paragraphs long and I realized I had enough material for a blog post myself. This is in response to his.
The base line is – I don’t believe in rest days. My arthritis (and I really hate to describe it like that because it assumes old age) is still so unpredictable that one day I will send those 11s but the next I won’t climb the stairs but then three days later I will be at the gym.
I am a firm believer in training as long as I can, for as long as I can because one day I might not be able to. Over the last 18 months I have gotten very good at reading my body. I can tell when there is good pain – the kind from exercising, and bad pain – the kind that tells me I have tweaked a joint in the wrong way. Usually, I can muscle through both.
Maybe that is self-destructive, ok, it is self-destructive…but doesn’t every athlete have that kind of mentality sometimes? We all want to be stronger than the pain we are in. It is not good. For me, it comes out when I am angry. My brain is telling me to stop but I keep going. I push myself harder, to do better. It is like I am daring my body to break down more.
I was speaking to another co-worker and he reminded me that there was a difference between active rest days and days when my body will not allow me to climb. That is true. That is absolutely true. Given the instability of my condition, though, there is no guarantee that an active rest day will allow me to train the next day. I could nap with my pets and watch Netflix all day and give my body the time to recharge, but that does not mean I will feel refreshed. My health can be totally counter-intuitive.
To be honest, though, even if I did feel recharged, I know me. Once I am at a state of rest, I remain at that state of rest until some outside force moves me. Once I am going, I am like a rock (hah…) rolling downhill, I do not stop and I continue to gain speed.
All that said, the minute I feel that tweak or “pop” in one my joints, I take a step back. I do not stop but I do lower the intensity of my exercise. At the end of the day, I don’t want to exacerbate my condition.
I may not believe in rest days but I do believe in dialing down, especially when my body tells me to.
Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.
How Much Pain is Too Much Pain?
27 Sunday Jan 2013
Posted in Rheumatoid Arthritis
I consider myself lucky. My mobility is not greatly effected. I feel pain, yet I am still mobile. I can walk, I can care for my pets, I can brush my teeth, I can turn on a faucet. I can do everything pretty much the same. It is painful and the stiffness makes it difficult, but I am able.
I am not sure how I should feel or how this disease should progress. I have done my research but sometimes it feels like my RA takes a different course.
Is it supposed to be painful whenever I do anything? It is.
Should I see visible signs of the disease? I don’t.
When my doctor tests the range of my joints, should it be smaller or larger or the same? Some days its the same, some days its smaller.
I don’t measure the pain anymore. That pain will always be there, every second of every day. Being in pain is the new normal. I am only 23 years old and I am in chronic pain. Just typing that sounds ridiculous to me…I am an athlete. In order to perform my best, I can’t be in pain. Pain not only affects me physically but it affects me mentally as well. It stops me from pushing myself to be greater at the sport. Sure, being in pain means that I am pushing myself too much and I should take a step back. Where is line when I started exercising in pain? How much pain is too much?
I am a rock-climber. I am not good at any other sports. Never have been, and I am okay with that. I am good at rock-climbing. At least, I used to be. Even so, I love it. Rock-climbing is so freeing. Over the past year I started climbing again at a nearby gym. When I felt great, I climbed well. I was nearly at the same level of difficulty that I was at when I peaked. Recently, I no longer commit to the sport like I used to. Before, I tried to get better to raise my level of difficulty and to work on my technique. Now, I am climbing the same safe climbs that I know I can climb without falling. I’m not trying anymore. I am complacent. Is that normal?
Maybe it has something to do with my recent flare-up. The worst I have had since I was first diagnosed. My doctor medically grounded me for two weeks. No work, no climbing. I switched my medication for the umpteenth time and I am still waiting for it to fully work.
Maybe I am just scared to try and fail. If I place myself in a situation where I feel like I am succeeding, even with my condition, I feel like I am dealing with it well. But then again, what kind of life am I leading if I am no longer trying to motivate or better myself?
Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.
Blame it on the Med, Med, Med, Med, Medicines…
25 Friday Jan 2013
Posted in Rheumatoid Arthritis
I had another blog post completely ready but this one seemed more pertinent today.
I spent the day laid up in bed. I was mobile, I could get up the stairs with minimal pain, and there was no stiffness when I woke up. Why was my day totally ruined? M-E-D-I-C-I-N-E-S.
They are so wonderful in controlling my symptoms. Well, one if particular: methotrexate. I look forward to my once-a-week injection because I know I will feel 10 times better the next day. Unfortunately, this medicine also has awful side-effects. I guess it comes with being a low-dose chemotherapy.
I could barely move today, not because I was in pain and “rusty”, but because I was weak and nauseous. I guess chemo will do that to you. I recently increased the dose because of my latest flare-up but with that came a couple of days of pure agonizing nausea to the point that I just couldn’t move. One of the other lovely things about methotrexate is that it does a number on the red-blood cells and leaves me feeling insanely weak.
Needless to say, I spent the entire day sleeping because I was so lethargic. What did I miss out on? Rock-climbing, a doctor’s appointment, and some lovely retail therapy.
Given my condition, I know why this medication is so important to controlling the symptoms. It kills the white blood cells, stopping them from over-imaginative activity and it helps prevent any longer term damage to the cartilage. That sounds great! Sign me up!…Oh wait, at what expense if I can not function? I spoke with my doctor, we are lowering the dose back down to the original. Still effective, less side-effects. Hopefully this is the last week of this mess.
Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.
“Be who you are…
23 Wednesday Jan 2013
Posted in Just for Fun
Tags
“Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don’t matter, and those who matter don’t mind” -Dr. Seuss
I saw this on a friend’s status and it made me smile today.
Blog Post #1
23 Wednesday Jan 2013
Posted in Rheumatoid Arthritis
20 months ago I was diagnosed with rheumatoid arthritis. SURPRISE!
I only started telling people 9 months ago. I consider this blog my “coming out”. I was, and still am, very embarrassed by my condition. Why? Because I used to be athletic, active, happy, and above all, healthy…that has changed.
This is not a blog of hope or reassurance. This is a statement of my life, living with this disease from day to day. I am not going to say I will get better because I don’t know that I will. I may get worse. The way this disease has progressed over the last few months I feel like I may never have those periods of no symptoms or “remissions”.
Don’t get me wrong, there are good days. I sometimes feel completely normal. I am strong, determined and self-assured. I set my eyes on a goal and I go for it; but sometimes those instincts get buried behind the negative helplessness, unhappiness, and insecurity of my situation. I have been through a lot in my life, and even when it was difficult and over-powering, I never felt broken. I am not going to lie, most days, I feel broken.
I don’t know what I want from this blog or even if anyone will read it. Part of me does not care. I tried so many different outlets to deal with this disease: painting, playing music, writing, talking, exercising. Nothing worked. Maybe this blog will. Or, it won’t. I wonder if having this blog out for everyone to see, might help. I will coherently gather my thoughts and share them with the world, without seeing its reaction. I can document what I wish I could say without the fear of judgment hanging over my head. There is something very therapeutic in that.
So…what is rheumatoid arthritis? I like to explain it like this: my immune system has an over-active imagination. It mistakes the cartilage around my joints for foreign bodies. My immune system is trying to damage and destroy that cartilage. This results in the following symptoms (at least for me): excess pain, inflammation in the joints, stiffness, increased fatigue, nausea…
I guess my biggest issue is that I have to live with these symptoms for the rest of my life. I am only 23 years old. There is a lot of living ahead of me.
I hope that by updating this blog, I can let go of the resentment that I have bottled up for so long, that I can find the road back to the person I used to be. I hope that RA becomes just another interesting fact about me and not what makes me, me.
Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.
the Rite of Aging...early 