Tag Archives: optimism

Even More Good News!

11 Wednesday Dec 2013

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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I do not have to see my doctor for another two months! TWO! Count ’em: TWO! And I do not have to see my gastroenterologist for THREE MONTHS! Count ’em: THREE!

Okay, I do not know if that really has any real significance but in my head it means: no blood work, no keeping a close eye on me, no co-payment!

It may seem I am getting better. I might be. However, I think I finally hit a plateau. I may not be getting better but more importantly, I am not getting worse. Which means, I am managing!

I would really like to be better, but hey, at this point, I will take what I can get!

I am still having trouble with my fingers and wrists, fine motor skills seem to evade me sometimes. But I manage to push through.

The only thing my doctor is not pleased about is I went from 8mg to 11mg of prednisone. I should have stayed at 8mg or hopefully even 7mg! Given I cannot lower the pred right now (I will totally lose function of my hands), I will start a bone-calcium supplement prescription thing (can you tell I have not researched this medication yet? :P). I need to get an exo-scan and I will be all set!

Plateau! Yay!

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Dumb Sh*t People Say: RA Edition – Series One, Part Three

05 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by in Dumb Sh*t People Say Series, Rheumatoid Arthritis

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“But you don’t look sick…”

 

The silver lining. The very vain silver lining: I don’t look sick!

The visible symptoms would be side-effects of the medications I am on:

  • I bloat on prednisone
  • My hair thins, loses its shine, and falls out on methotrexate
  • If I forget to take my painkillers I pale
  • I break out like mad
  • My eyelashes fall out

The list is extensive.

So is my beauty/skincare regime and so is my diet.

I wrote a couple of posts on my skincare regime earlier. I am very proud of my skincare.

It is nice to know that something in that line-up is working!

After all, if I did not follow it to a tee, I would look very unwell.

 

Part One explains why this comment is not ok.

Part Two contains my reaction.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Smile Like you Mean it

30 Friday Aug 2013

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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To see the accompanying nail art click here.

Today I rock-climbed. No, let me re-phrase that. Today I rock-climbed well.

I climbed three 5.10s. Specifically, a 5.10a, a 5.10b, and a 5.10c. I climbed all three climbs from top to bottom without falling. I “sent” the climbs.

I knew sending the climbs was not important. I was just happy to be on the wall. I was not going to lie: I felt pleased. I was proud of myself. I had the strength, agility, and mobility to climb quickly and efficiently.

I climbed on and off for the last couple of weeks. There was a length of time when I could not climb at all because of the flare.

Before, every time I had a flare I lost my strength. I had to work my way back up the difficulty level of climbs. I was ecstatic when I realized I had not lost all my strength. Okay, so my fingers cramped up more than usual and I forced myself to stretch farther with my legs and shove my arms above my head but I was able to do it.

And sure, I am paying for it now. I am unable to climb the stairs properly, my elbows and shoulders lock, and my fingers cramp as I type. It is so worth it though.

When I was a junior in high school, I suffered through a bad bout of depression. I barely scraped by that year academically and emotionally.

Looking back, that year was a blur but there was one thing I will never forget.

My climbing coach pulled me aside one day and said to me, “Monica, I don’t think I have seen you smile at all this year. I miss your smile, it brightens my day. I think it brightens most people’s day.”

Today, for the first time in weeks, I genuinely smiled and laughed.

I know the difference between a forced and real smile. When I smile, for real, I feel it in my entire face. My cheeks get red, my eyes crinkle and light up. I show my teeth. My laugh lines go deep. I feel happy.

When I force that same smile it feels fake. People see right through me. They know it is a show.

I hope that because of this one smile everything will look up. This one smile is the crack I needed to find in the tunnel wall. The wall is weak around the crack.

I think I can push out now.

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Quote

When I was a child…

27 Tuesday Aug 2013

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child…”

People find me strange.  I turn giddy when I talk about the Hobbit. I wear my Winnie the Pooh earrings with pride. I manage to connect any real life event with I Love Lucy. I show no fear when gushing about Scooby Doo.

People say I never grow up.

I am ok with that. I have been through enough in my life to know that it is important to remember the happiest memories. For me, those memories are my childhood. I watched I Love Lucy marathons with my mother. I watched Scooby Doo cartoons in the morning. I read Winnie the Pooh books every night. I was happy and carefree. I did not worry about the future. I did not worry about college or what happens after I got that degree.

The world was open to my dreams and expectations.

I did not know limitations.

I worry so much now. Those memories keep me grounded. I am not afraid of showing my passion for my childhood obsessions. Those obsessions remind me of a time when I was always happy. I am rarely happy anymore. I am overwhelmed but I find peace in the small hidden treasures in the back of my mind.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.