04 Tuesday Mar 2014
Posted in Rheumatoid Arthritis
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Sheer willpower….
And the promise of good painkillers waiting for her afterwards.
Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.
26 Wednesday Feb 2014
Posted in Rheumatoid Arthritis
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The last two weeks I have felt completely unmotivated in life. This last flare left me tired, run down and painful. I barely drag myself out of bed in the morning, keep up with my gluten-free diet or care about anything. Usually, I would say this is just the depression but my mood has been great.
I lowered the prednisone after the main fire of the flare burned out. However, it is too low a dose. I really should be on at least 11mg but I cannot bring myself to take that much.
My mood is awesome. I have not felt “this good” in a very long time. I feel floaty and fun, I have more energy and overall in higher sprits.
But, I feel like the arthritis is in a progressive stage. No matter what I do or how much pain medication I take I just feel difficult. Everything takes 4 or 5 times more coordination, strength and will power.
It is an oxymoron in my body.
There is more inflammation in my toes and fingers. My knees are slightly more bruised. I have constant back and spine pain. Even my jaw hurts when I chew.
Is this normal?
It does not feel like a flare. It feels like a constant, dull ache.
I should increase the prednisone dose back to 11mg. Maybe the RA is progressing so I have more inflammation, making everything a little harder. What if increasing the corticosteroid is not the answer? What if I consistently have the same amount of inflammation?
Worst yet, my pinky gets stuck in certain positions and I have to massage the joint out of locking. It is super painful, annoying and disheartening. It is only my pinky but I know soon enough my other joints will follow suit.
Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.
05 Saturday Oct 2013
Posted in Rheumatoid Arthritis
I know I have physical limitations.
Sometimes:
I cannot pick up my cat.
I cannot carry the ceramic dog bowls.
I sit on the floor and cannot get up…
Let me preface by saying I climbed today after work. YAY! I rock-climbed after almost two months! Serious YAY!!!!
I climbed two climbs. I sat down to put my shoes on for the third climb and I got stuck. I could not roll over and get up. I tried to use a floor anchor to pull myself up and ended up doing a somersault. It was very comical.
Red flashing lights: MONICA! YOU ARE DONE FOR THE NIGHT. DO NOT CLIMB ANYMORE! STOP! STOP! STOP!
If I am stuck on the floor and cannot get up on my own I should not climb. For that matter, I should not do anything at all.
The best course of action was to stop.
Instead, I decided to hop on the climb that I knew was well out of my range for the night. I might have actually said: “What is the worst that can happen?”
…
I did not complete the climb and I tweaked my hip and knee.
Whoops.
My doctor, my friends, and my dad always tell me I should take better care of myself. I get in trouble with my doctor because I know what the consequences are.
I amaze myself. Generally, I am a very calculated person. I never do anything without reason.
I go through periods when I am more careful than usual:
I only take the infusion once a month. If I flare up I can only increase the prednisone. That is not an option.
Everyone is sick. I stay away from them. I cannot afford to get sick.
I am having trouble getting out of bed. Let me rest today and nap a lot.
Then
I go through periods when I do things I am not supposed to and I honestly have no good reason for it:
Maybe this time will be different.
Maybe I am daring my body to break down.
Maybe I am just angry.
When will I learn?
(Maybe I should start a “Dumb Sh*t Monica Does” Series…I definitely have enough material for that. Hah!)
Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.
16 Friday Aug 2013
Posted in Rheumatoid Arthritis
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My doctor tells me that I have a very interesting case of RA. Even during a flare, I do not show outward inflammation. We have talked about taking a MRI to measure the amount of inflammation but neither of us feel strongly about it.
I was never a hypochondriac. Part of me thought that because I was small, people would assume I could not take the same amount of pain or stress as someone larger than me. Because of that whenever I hurt myself I would not make a big deal of it. I would not take pain medication. I would power through. So when I started feeling RA symptoms I knew something else was going on. I sustained a wrist injury for many months before I was diagnosed, but my orthopedist knew that the emerging symptoms were not based on the injury alone.
Now, two years after the initial diagnosis, I can feel the slightest difference in my joints. Everything from my ankle does not roll as easily or I bend at the hips more frequently than at the knees.
This makes me uneasy. I know the difference between being out of shape or tired and a flare. Lately, though, everything feels like it causes a flare: climbing, going for a walk, cooking the dog food. I wonder if I am planting a seed of insecurity in my mind that tells me that I no matter what I do, I will flare. I hope not.
Whenever I flare up, I think:
Why do I think I am experiencing a flare?
Is it just based on pain?
Is it based on mobility?
I am basing this current flare on lethargy. I can tell this is a flare because I am uncharacteristically tired. All. The. Time. I nap twice a day and still sleep at night. I can not wake up in the morning which usually comes easily to me. It takes more energy to stir the dog food and carry the dog bowls. I feel strain climbing the stairs or bending down to pick up the pets. My fingers and elbows cramp up more quickly and my shoulders are more painful than usual. A morning does not go by that I am not dropping something. Two days ago, I nearly shattered the dog bowl and a handful of drinking glasses.
More often than not I feel like a hypochondriac but I have to remember that I can gauge a flare in concrete terms that hopefully put those insecure thoughts at bay.
Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.
the Rite of Aging...early 