Tag Archives: rock-climbing

The Good Pain

13 Wednesday Aug 2014

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It exists! Good pain!

 

Two weeks ago, I climbed for 5 days straight, two to three hours each session. First of all, I know right? That sounds a) completely unbelievable and b) totally regrettable. But, guess what? I felt amazing. I hurt but it was all muscle pain and no, it was not “I strained a muscle and now I cannot move”, it was “I had a great workout and now my muscles are repairing and strengthening themselves”!

I texted a good friend of mine on staff to tell him I was in pain and at first he thought it was a flare. I gushed over how great this good pain felt.

I forgot what a good workout felt like. I felt mobile, happy, charged, and overall “normal”.

 

…I dislike using the word “normal”. My normal no longer exists. My RA-ridden body is the new norm yet I still remember what “normal” feels like.

This is probably holding me back, mentally. I do not mean, life-wise, getting a job, moving around, living…I mean, I cannot move forward with this disease. I keep hoping it will go into remission, I will go back to the way I was.

 

All of that aside, I was thrilled. I remember way back in high school my muscles ached when I climbed too hard and I felt painful and uncomfortable. I remember my annoyance when I pushed my body too far when I shouldn’t have. I knew my limits and ignored them.

Now, I love this pain. The muscle pain reminds me I am still able-bodied, I am still capable, I am not just the RA. I still have limits and push myself past them.

 

How strange, right? My perception of pain completely changed. Regardless, I still have to pick and choose my battles like whether I should climb or cook the dog food, I still cannot do both in a day.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Now It’s a Slide

25 Friday Oct 2013

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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Like my favorite childhood game, Chutes and Ladders, I find myself on a spiraling chute. Unlike the game, I do not have any clear idea of how many spaces I am falling behind.

And I am falling behind. Far.

 

Ever since I stopped rock-climbing, I feel like I am on a never-ending slide. It’s too slippery for me to grab the sides and stop myself from falling.

The upsetting part is that I did not stop rock-climbing because the RA made me physically unable. I stopped because of insensitive people’s perceptions of the RA.

In a previous post I talked about what a co-worker told me. That I burdened everyone with my RA and nobody wanted to hang out or rock-climb with me.

I feel alienated at work, I have no desire to hang out with anyone and I am just sad.

 

Rock-climbing was the last thing that made me trully happy. It freed and strengthened my mind, it made me feel good about myself, and it made me feel in control. It was one of those things that was a part of me.

 

I am used to giving things up, I have been ever since I was diagnosed: possibly my career, full-time jobs, biking, bouldering and now I have to pick and choose what I do during the day because I can no longer do it all.

 

This feels different than before. Maybe it’s because it was the last thing that made me happy, and now it’s gone. Maybe it’s the reason why I had to give it up. Maybe I am finally coming to terms with what having this disease really means.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Will I Learn?

05 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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I know I have physical limitations.

 

Sometimes:

I cannot pick up my cat.

I cannot carry the ceramic dog bowls.

I sit on the floor and cannot get up…

 

Let me preface by saying I climbed today after work. YAY! I rock-climbed after almost two months! Serious YAY!!!!

I climbed two climbs. I sat down to put my shoes on for the third climb and I got stuck. I could not roll over and get up. I tried to use a floor anchor to pull myself up and ended up doing a somersault. It was very comical.

Red flashing lights: MONICA! YOU ARE DONE FOR THE NIGHT. DO NOT CLIMB ANYMORE! STOP! STOP! STOP!

If I am stuck on the floor and cannot get up on my own I should not climb. For that matter, I should not do anything at all.

The best course of action was to stop.

Instead, I decided to hop on the climb that I knew was well out of my range for the night. I might have actually said: “What is the worst that can happen?”

 

…

 

I did not complete the climb and I tweaked my hip and knee.

Whoops.

My doctor, my friends, and my dad always tell me I should take better care of myself. I get in trouble with my doctor because I know what the consequences are.

 

I amaze myself. Generally, I am a very calculated person. I never do anything without reason.

I go through periods when I am more careful than usual:

I only take the infusion once a month. If I flare up I can only increase the prednisone. That is not an option.

Everyone is sick. I stay away from them. I cannot afford to get sick.

I am having trouble getting out of bed. Let me rest today and nap a lot.

Then

I go through periods when I do things I am not supposed to and I honestly have no good reason for it:

Maybe this time will be different.

Maybe I am daring my body to break down.

Maybe I am just angry.

 

When will I learn?

(Maybe I should start a “Dumb Sh*t Monica Does” Series…I definitely have enough material for that. Hah!)

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Nail Art Ideas Linkup: September Week Two – Sports/Nail Art: Why So Important?

10 Tuesday Sep 2013

Posted by in Just for Fun, Nail Art

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I am dealing with some stuff amidst a flare as well so I have a short post today.

Guess which sport I decided to showcase for the NAIL Week Two Sports theme! I am also using this nail art for one of my previous posts.

Click on the image below to see the accompanying post.

Rock-Climbing

Index & Middle:

Base: Two coats China Glaze “White on White”

Rocks: Mix of Sephora by OPI “Caffeine Fix” and SpaRitual “Running with Wolves”

Trees: Zoya “Suvi”

Ropes: Milani “Peacock”

People: Milani High Speed Fast Dry “Black Swift”

 

Ring & Pinky:

Base: Two coats Urban Outfitters “Westside”

Rocks: Color Club “Mrs. Robinson” and Urban Outfitters “Blue Velvet”

Anchors: Milani High Speed Fast Dry “Black Swift”

Ropes: Milani “Peacock”

Enjoy!

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Why So Important?

08 Sunday Sep 2013

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Lately, I have not been able to rock-climb as much as I would like. Each time I scale the wall, I fight a flare that same evening.

Not too long ago, I climbed and experienced no consequences. It has been weeks since this last happened.

When I was first diagnosed, I not only fought for ability, I also fought for my future. I had a pre-veterinary medicine concentration in college. I planned to go to veterinary school. I never wanted to be or do anything else.

When I could not keep my symptoms under control, I realized I may have to give up on my dream, even though I could not imagine doing anything else.

I still struggle with this every day. I still work towards that same goal. Every day I fight to go to vet school.

Regardless, I know in the back of my head (that little demon in my mind) I may have to give up on it.

 

I refuse to let that happen with rock-climbing. I already gave up my passion, I WILL NOT let it happen with my love.

Given the state I end up in after I rock-climb, it may be doing more harm than good. Still, I cannot let it go.

Why?

It is one of the few things in life that makes me feel good, mentally. I get up on the wall and the entire world melts away. It is just me and the wall.

I love that. I love solving puzzles. I love that I do not need a lot of muscle or strength. I love that that I rely only on myself and my body.

I climb with a belayer but when I am up on that wall that person is only there to make sure I do not fall. Every climber completes moves differently. There is no one way to grab a hold, stand up on a toe, hook a heel, or balance the core.

The most important part of climbing to me is not the actual route but the mental state it puts me in. I am solely focused on one thing. If my mind wanders, I will fall.

This is truly the only time I forget I have rheumatoid arthritis. I cannot remember that I have this physical disease. It paralyzes me on the wall. I have to think I am healthy and capable of this activity.

This is the only time I think this way. RA follows me everywhere else I go.

I cannot let go of rock-climbing. Not just yet. I cannot lose the last thing that makes me, me. My after-climbing flares are disabling but, to me, that is a small price to pay.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA