Tag Archives: stress

Just Some of the Reasons I’m Stressed || #stress #disability

13 Sunday Sep 2020

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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Nothing to disclose.

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Let’s start with the obvious. My medications are not working as well as they should so they cut out early (before my next dose) and I become fatigued and painful.

This has always been a problem but now that I am in school and I need to focus, study and retain information, it’s just a bit harder to function properly when my body doesn’t cooperate.

My eyes are tired dry from Sjogren’s. I cannot read a computer screen or a device screens for long periods of time. I have to take frequent breaks which just eats away quickly at the day. I hate glasses and that I have to wear them all the time. I cannot wear contacts. I hate that I have to constantly push my glasses up the bridge of my nose. I hate that they fall off, especially when I look down or sweat. I hate that because they move around so much I get headaches. I hate glasses.
I hate that they don’t even make my contact prescription anymore. I have to buy them just slightly higher and lower than my actual prescription so I just can’t see. I hate that I have to wear glasses. I hate that I get headaches.
I hate that I wake up every morning with a sinus headache that carries through the day. I hate that I am on medications that cause these stupid sinus issues.
I hate that I wake up in pain. I hate that I am in pain every second of every day. I hate that this is my life.

I hate everyone who goes out without a mask and takes selfies with people who are not in their quaran-pod. Great, you social distance and wear a mask…but take it off for a photo? You’re an idiot and you’re the reason why this pandemic carries on the way it does. I hope you are not responsible for someone’s death; but, you probably are. Think about that for a second.
You ARE definitely responsible for me not being able to go back to work safely. So thanks.
I hate that I didn’t get my stimulus check. I hate that I make less than 50% of what I made before. Money is tight. I have four pets to care for and now I have to pay for school.
I wonder every day is this really going to be the rest of my life. A life where I am enslaved to my body. A life where I hate waking up every morning because I have to put on glasses that don’t fit and feel pain with every movement and hate everyone because they’re stupid and selfish. How sustainable is this type of life? It’s a not a good life. It’s not even an okay life. But, I just have to deal and get on with it. Wow. Can you imagine, waking up and not looking forward to anything because it all sucks?

Yeah, that’s pretty damn pathetic. But, it is what it is. And that’s just too bad for me.

Also, this new WordPress is real shit. WordPress, why did you have to fix it? The other editor was perfectly fine. In fact, it was perfect compared to this mess of a situation. I would switch platforms but I paid for this domain for a year. ::Shrug::

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

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A Clenched Jaw is a Insomniac’s Nightmare

21 Wednesday May 2014

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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1:00 AM

 

When I stopped the Ambien three weeks ago I took Tylenol PM to ease back into normal sleep.

When I stopped the Tylenol PM I slept on my own. I fell asleep well but I woke up regularly during the night.

Over the last week, the tables turned. I no longer fell asleep quickly but, excluding occasional pet disturbances, I slept well. The hours wasted away and so did my chances at a full night’s slumber.

I tried Lavender Epsom Salt baths, they calmed me down but didn’t lull me to sleep. I tried sleep sprays. I tried chamomile-infused hand creams. Nothing worked.

 

1:15 AM

 

I turn off half my lights one hour before I lay down. I lower the brightness and volume on my computer. I brush my teeth and complete my evening skincare routine half an hour before I lay down. I turn off my laptop and I read until I feel drowsy.

Drowsy but awake.

 

1:20 AM

 

I carry my stress in my jaw and clench it without realizing. I only notice when it feels sore. Years ago, I ground my teeth and tightened my jaw and neck. After years of practice, I broke the habit.

It is back.

I wake up in the middle of the night sore. I clench my jaw in my sleep? On top of not falling asleep, I am also not getting a good night’s rest.

I did not realize I was “stressed”. If I were to write down everything in my day I do not think I would come up with anything “stressful”. Things are going well right now, mundane, but well. Maybe that’s it? I don’t do mundane. I get bored quickly and look for a change!

Even as I write this post, I clench my jaw. I do not realize I am doing it so I cannot stop it. Even when I am aware and actively relax the muscles they bounce right back. This was a huge problem for me when I was a kid because it resulted in pain and other dental issues but I do not remember how to break this habit.

 

1:30 AM

 

I tried deep meditation and yoga before bed but all the bad thoughts I suppress, surface. I’ve tried laying there and hoping sleep comes to me. It turns into me checking the clock every hour and thinking “if I fall asleep now, I have X hours left to sleep…”

 

1:45 AM

 

Medications do not work neither do natural remedies like warm milk. I am hesitant to re-start Ambien because I experience weird side-effects with it (next day grogginess is not one, surprisingly!)

 

2:00 AM

 

What do you think: Is there something I have not tried that might help? Do you have any good stress-relievers you swear by?

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.