Category Archives: Dumb Sh*t People Say Series

Dumb Sh*t People: RA Edition – Series Three, Part Three

25 Friday Oct 2013

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“Is RA contagious???”

 

The silver lining is I can easily separate myself from the people who make me feel worse.

 

I was always one of those people who went into every relationship preparing myself for disappointment.

I know it makes me sound like a holier-than-thou brat but honestly, I realized very early on that people are selfish.

I can count on my closest friends to not treat me differently. They support me and never make me feel bad about this illness. They are my closest friends for a reason. They are the people who I think are selfless, caring, and happy. They are willing to make small sacrifices for me (like instead of going out, staying in and watching TV, etc.) They never ever come back and throw those situations in my face. They are the people I want and need to surround myself with.

Most of the people I have been friends with for more than ten years, some less.

Recently, I deluded myself into thinking that my co-workers and others actually cared about me. Was I wrong. I carried around a false sense of security. They talked the talk, but if the RA affected them they turned and said it burdened them.

Over the last couple of months, I realized that I need to re-adopt the wariness I always had. If someone cannot support me with this illness I don’t need to spend time on them. Sorry, but this is with me for life and I cannot waste energy convincing people this disease will not affect them.

It could take weeks or months to fully gauge how supportive someone can be, so I guess I should thank these people. In just a couple of minutes, with questions like these, they are telling me everything I need to know.

 

Part One

Part Two

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have  RA.

Dumb Sh*t People Say: RA Edition Series Three, Part Two

25 Friday Oct 2013

Posted by in Dumb Sh*t People Say Series, Rheumatoid Arthritis

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“Is RA contagious???”

 

I am more sensitive than usual, especially given all the mean comments aimed at me recently but this one really upsets me.

I do think it is a legitimate question and it is definitely not meant to make me feel bad. Honestly, it’s not the question but the meaning behind it.

 

Part of the reason I did not tell anyone about the RA for almost a year was because I did not want people to treat me like I was sick. People act a certain way when they know someone is sick, it is human nature. There is the part that feels sorry and there is the part that is wary and concerned about how this affects them.

This question unmasks the selfishness that everyone feels. Some people are just better at hiding it, but everyone feels it.

It is easy to talk the talk, but when it comes to actually supporting someone very few people follow-through.

 

If I tell someone about the disease, they automatically see me differently. It’s like a light switch. The tone of the conversation changes, they treat me like I will break.

 

I have been more lax about who I tell about the RA, but I am still cautious. Do you think I would tell you if I wanted pity?

I don’t want pity! I want support! I need to know that even though I have this sometimes crippling disease, you will not treat me any differently than before. I want to know that I can do and achieve the same things. Can I treat this disease like another interesting fact about myself?

No. Apparently not. This isn’t like a poorly executed tattoo…this is an illness, a sickness. People are innately too selfish to see it any other way.

 

Unfortunately, most people just think about themselves. They don’t see someone who needs support, they just worry about how I, as the person with this disease, will affect them.

 

Part One

Part Three

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Dumb Sh*t People Say: RA Edition – Series Three, Part One

23 Wednesday Oct 2013

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Disclaimer: I don’t really classify this as “dumb”.

 

“Is RA contagious???”

 

This is not a dumb question but it is a very silly one.

It is a disease. Some diseases are contagious. However, RA is rheumatoid arthritis.

 

Is osteo-arthritis contagious? 

During a flare, just by standing near someone can I pass on my confused immunity? Just by sneezing can I contaminate the air with my RA inflammatory anti-bodies?

Okay, so even if they did not know this was an auto-immune, I can’t even imagine a way that arthritis could be contagious. Suggestions?

 

Just taking one second to think about what the name of the disease is should be an indicator, on its own, that this illness is probably not contagious.

This question leans towards not having any knowledge of RA but it is a rather strange question nonetheless.

 

Part Two

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Dumb Sh*t People Say: RA Edition – Series Two, Part Two

17 Thursday Oct 2013

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“Why don’t you find another way to get out of bed?”

 

Well that is a novel idea, is it not? Why don’t I just find another way to do something.

Thank you for the great insight into my life. I did not even think about trying something different.

I am perfectly content wallowing in my self-pity of losing my abilities.

I am perfectly content to just let my auto-immune defeat me.

 

Am I happy just laying in bed until my body allows me to get up? Have I not considered other solutions to this dilemma?

 

Furthermore, I do not like the reminder that my body fails me.

I work very hard to keep my illness under wraps. I try very hard to remain able-bodied.

Sometimes, I cannot help it. Sometimes, I cannot get out of bed.

This is what I have to work with.

 

Part One shows why this is not ok to say.

There will be no third part. I find this comment extremely rude and cannot find any silver lining.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Dumb Sh*t People Say: RA Edition – Series Two, Part One

11 Friday Oct 2013

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“Why don’t you find another way to get out of bed?”

 

I said it is difficult for me to get out of bed. Some mornings I have to “work” my joints into moving.

…

I do not even know how to respond to this comment. It is very specific but I know this person meant everything, in general.

Sometimes I cannot just throw my legs over the edge, sit up then stand.

Please, anyone out there, if you have another way of getting out of bed please tell me.

Maybe I could roll off the bed onto the floor. Theoretically I get out of bed. Then what? If I cannot rise from bed how in the world am I supposed to get off the floor?!

Not to mention, the roll would be difficult on my elbows.

 

This is the most absurd comment I have ever heard in response to my musings about RA.

I wake up with swelling in the mornings. Some mornings more than others.

If I cannot get out of bed I cannot get out of bed. End of story. There is no “other way”.

I face obstacles like this every day. Barriers that I cannot get around. These are not something I can overcome. They are boundaries.

 

Do not get me wrong. I have found many creative and interesting ways to get around these limitations but some things I cannot help.

For example:

  • Using silverware
  • Writing
  • Brushing my teeth

Looking at the list I realize for everything except for writing I have actually found ways to get around the conventional use.

 

Regardless.

This is the new reality.

 

Part Two contains my personal reaction.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Dumb Sh*t People Say: RA Edition – Series One, Part Three

05 Saturday Oct 2013

Posted by in Dumb Sh*t People Say Series, Rheumatoid Arthritis

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“But you don’t look sick…”

 

The silver lining. The very vain silver lining: I don’t look sick!

The visible symptoms would be side-effects of the medications I am on:

  • I bloat on prednisone
  • My hair thins, loses its shine, and falls out on methotrexate
  • If I forget to take my painkillers I pale
  • I break out like mad
  • My eyelashes fall out

The list is extensive.

So is my beauty/skincare regime and so is my diet.

I wrote a couple of posts on my skincare regime earlier. I am very proud of my skincare.

It is nice to know that something in that line-up is working!

After all, if I did not follow it to a tee, I would look very unwell.

 

Part One explains why this comment is not ok.

Part Two contains my reaction.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Dumb Sh*t People Say: RA Edition – Series One, Part Two

05 Saturday Oct 2013

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“…but you don’t look sick!”

 

I struggle with my physical limitations but I also struggle with the new and unfamiliar mental strain.

The thoughtlessness behind this comment always reminds me of the demons lurking at the back of my mind:

 

How much does the disease actually affect me?

vs.

How much does stress or over-though affect me?

 

(These ideas will come up again in another series)

I am battling an invisible illness. Everyone bases their opinions, ideas, and plans of action on how I feel.

 

Maybe I cannot brush my teeth or pick up my pets because I am more stressed. After all, the mind is a very powerful tool.

But it is not powerful enough to create an entire disease, right?

An over-active imagination cannot allow my immune system to destroy the cartilage around my joints, right?

…Right?

 

And when people say this and suspend belief at their convenience, I realize no one sees what I am going through.

I feel alone.

I feel like a hypochondriac.

 

Part One conveys why this comment is not ok to say.

Part Three contains the silver lining.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.