“Is RA contagious???”

 

The silver lining is I can easily separate myself from the people who make me feel worse.

 

I was always one of those people who went into every relationship preparing myself for disappointment.

I know it makes me sound like a holier-than-thou brat but honestly, I realized very early on that people are selfish.

I can count on my closest friends to not treat me differently. They support me and never make me feel bad about this illness. They are my closest friends for a reason. They are the people who I think are selfless, caring, and happy. They are willing to make small sacrifices for me (like instead of going out, staying in and watching TV, etc.) They never ever come back and throw those situations in my face. They are the people I want and need to surround myself with.

Most of the people I have been friends with for more than ten years, some less.

Recently, I deluded myself into thinking that my co-workers and others actually cared about me. Was I wrong. I carried around a false sense of security. They talked the talk, but if the RA affected them they turned and said it burdened them.

Over the last couple of months, I realized that I need to re-adopt the wariness I always had. If someone cannot support me with this illness I don’t need to spend time on them. Sorry, but this is with me for life and I cannot waste energy convincing people this disease will not affect them.

It could take weeks or months to fully gauge how supportive someone can be, so I guess I should thank these people. In just a couple of minutes, with questions like these, they are telling me everything I need to know.

 

Part One

Part Two

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have  RA.

“Is RA contagious???”

 

I am more sensitive than usual, especially given all the mean comments aimed at me recently but this one really upsets me.

I do think it is a legitimate question and it is definitely not meant to make me feel bad. Honestly, it’s not the question but the meaning behind it.

 

Part of the reason I did not tell anyone about the RA for almost a year was because I did not want people to treat me like I was sick. People act a certain way when they know someone is sick, it is human nature. There is the part that feels sorry and there is the part that is wary and concerned about how this affects them.

This question unmasks the selfishness that everyone feels. Some people are just better at hiding it, but everyone feels it.

It is easy to talk the talk, but when it comes to actually supporting someone very few people follow-through.

 

If I tell someone about the disease, they automatically see me differently. It’s like a light switch. The tone of the conversation changes, they treat me like I will break.

 

I have been more lax about who I tell about the RA, but I am still cautious. Do you think I would tell you if I wanted pity?

I don’t want pity! I want support! I need to know that even though I have this sometimes crippling disease, you will not treat me any differently than before. I want to know that I can do and achieve the same things. Can I treat this disease like another interesting fact about myself?

No. Apparently not. This isn’t like a poorly executed tattoo…this is an illness, a sickness. People are innately too selfish to see it any other way.

 

Unfortunately, most people just think about themselves. They don’t see someone who needs support, they just worry about how I, as the person with this disease, will affect them.

 

Part One

Part Three

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.