F is for Fake Smile

07 Friday Apr 2017

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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I was a very happy baby. I smiled. All. The. Time. I was just a smiley kid. My dad told me my personality changed after my mother died which makes a lot of sense. My most present parent was gone. It was a change. I changed.

I was always a stable, calm kid and as I grew up I became more and more taciturn. I was social and loud, probably overcompensating for my true introverted nature. I compartmentalized everything and let no one in. My junior year of high school, my coach told me I stopped smiling, that I was a completely different person. Junior year was tough. I kept late nights and early mornings with restless sleep in between. I was on the go from school, to climbing to after-school activities with little to no breaks. What I didn’t realize, I was not faking holding it all together as well as I thought.

Fast forward to my Rheumatoid Arthritis diagnosis. I used to be very open about my condition but I realized quickly nobody cared. People didn’t understand invisible illnesses so to them I was just faking symptoms. I turned more and more inward and completely unresponsive.

I don’t smile anymore. I just..don’t. I don’t even remember the last time I truly genuinely laughed. Don’t mistake this for not caring. I care very deeply for my friends (who care about me in return) but I just don’t smile. I have always been a no-nonsense, straight-shooter so my true friends already know I am not most emotionally responsive person. They accept me as I am and do not force the “smile” on me.

 

Okay, so I do smile. Obviously, I don’t go out with permanent b*tch face tattooed across my head. I smile because it is socially expected of me. I am not saying it’s not genuine. I love when people talk to me, tell me about their day, when my students are excited to see me, when they get do their lessons properly. I just…I don’t know. I have become so compartmentalized, so introverted to the point that just seeing people gives me anxiety that maybe, while it’s a genuine emotion, it’s a fake smile. This sounds totally odd written out, but makes perfect sense in my head.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

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E is for Eye

06 Thursday Apr 2017

Posted by in Nail Art

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Yesterday I stopped at a traffic light facing a four lane road (two going one way, two going the other). I was on the “side road” so I knew my stop would be long so I fixated on a point across all four lanes.

It amazed me how quickly the cars closest to me zoomed by while the ones farther away seemed to move in slow motion.

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from Wikipedia

The eyes and brain are such interesting organs. The way they transfer information back and forth varies from person to person.

How do we know what we see is what is actually there?? Food for thought.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

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E

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AtoZ – D is for Deceased Dog

05 Wednesday Apr 2017

Posted by in Animal Sciences

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Saachi and Sunsilk both start with S so I had to be creative in doing Saachi’s Furry Friends tag! Saachi passed away just over two years ago from Hemangiosarcoma (cancer of the blood). She may be gone but she remains part of the pack.

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What is your pet’s name?

Saachi. Her “birth” name was Lottie.

What kind of pet is she and what breed?

Saachi was a purebred Bullmastiff dog.

Big Puppy (5 mo.)

How long have you had your pet friend? 

Almost 9 years! We adopted her at two months and she passed away at eight and a half years.

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How did you get your pet?

Saachi was our fourth adoption. Soon after we adopted Affie, Dad exclaimed he wanted his own dog. He traveled a lot for work and the first three kind of attached themselves to me. I agreed but only if it was a giant breed. I specifically wanted a Great Dane. To this day, I don’t remember why this was so important to me.

Dad disagreed. He thought they were too common…even though I had only ever seen one near our home.

Second choice? A mastiff. My father set to work and researched mastiffs. One day, I heard him yelling from his office and he excitedly showed me pictures of this silly looking pup up for adoption in Kentucky.

“What do you think??”

“She’s cute…kind of chubby…but really cute..”

“Good, because I already emailed the owners”.

My father was ecstatic. He emailed EVERYONE photos of Lottie and captioned them ‘the new addition to the family’. Now would be a good time to mention the adoption was not yet final! Hah!

How old is your pet?

Saachi passed away at 8.5 years.

What are some quirky things about your pet’s personality?

Hmmm…she hated me? She just strongly disliked me. I was the disciplinarian of the family and she was a spoilt, spoilt dog! It was not until I returned from college that she realized she actually loved and missed me!

“Wouldn’t it be funny if the phrase ‘distance makes the heart grow fonder’ held true with her?”

“I wouldn’t count on it, she really doesn’t like you!” -Dad

It was not until after I returned home from school that first break that she did a complete 180 and actually liked me!

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But, I digress. An actual quirk? Saachi believed she was a cat. She grew up in a family with two adult cats, who she adored. She wanted to be part of Sunsilk and Marmalade’s club but they wouldn’t let her. In order to be more like them, she kneaded blankets, beds and bodies and came up with her own version of purring!

What does your relationship to your pet mean to you?

My pets mean the world to me. My father traveled a lot for work so my pack was my family. Even though I was not Saachi’s favorite person she was extremely protective of me. She would bark at every little noise and stand guard at the front door whenever I was alone in the house. Her love was unfailing and unwavering.

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What are some of your favorite past times with your pet?

Nap time. Saachi was the perfect blanket. She lay on top of me and since she was bigger than me I was never cold!

Tug of war — Best ab work out ever.

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Nicknames?

“No!” Saachi was so big she never got away with anything.

“Ugly” …I feel sort of bad about this one…When she was little her head grew too big for her body and she looked rather comical. It was a couple of months before her body caught up but the nickname stuck!

The bobsy twins

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

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C is for Coloring

04 Tuesday Apr 2017

Posted by in Nail Art

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I stress color. I started with mandalas and markers and graduated to gel pens and themed coloring books. I like coloring. It takes me out of my head for a while. I don’t have to think about my condition or other stresses in my life and above all else it gives me time to be totally and utterly unproductive.

Do you ever feel like every single thing you do has to be part of a bigger picture? Everything has to be done for something else. I always have to work because not working means I’m lazy. No? Well, that’s what society makes us think, right?

But, the truth of the matter is we need time to shut down our brains. Even sleep does not allow us to do that. Our dream state files away moments in our day, brings out hidden emotions and true feelings. When I color, nothing germinates and grows. Other than mixing colors and filling in shapes my mind is totally blank.

 

That sounds horrible but truthfully, it’s great. In short bursts, coloring reboots my brain so I am ready for the day.

Do you color? Why did you start?

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

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Pastel Dry Brush || Nail Art

04 Tuesday Apr 2017

Posted by in Nail Art

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Every so often I participate in Instagram nail art challenges. They are great community builders and awesome ways to make friends! I combined prompts from the Glam Nails Challenge and Clairestelle8 Challenge because, work smarter not harder, right?? Heh…

Pastels are an interesting color palette. They are pretty but are surprisingly difficult to work with. People claim color pops over white bases but I think pastels work better over darker ones. What do you think? I adore how these nails came out…the creamy pastels really jump out at me!

GlamNailsChallenge | Clairestelle8Challenge

 

pasteldrybrush_edited-1Base: Zoya Anais

Details: Color Club Twiggie (green), China Glaze UV Meant to Be (blue), SinfulColors VIPeach (yellow), Urban Outfitters Westside (orange), Sally Hansen Petal Pusher (pink)

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

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B is for Binky (A is also for Affie) || Pets

03 Monday Apr 2017

Posted by in Animal Sciences

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I completed the Furry Friends tag a couple of years ago but I wrote about all four pets in one very long post. During this month, I will re-do the tag but in smaller bite-size amounts.

Yes, April 1st would technically make more sense since “Affie” starts with A but I already had my nails set up and I wanted to post them! So, for today,  B is for Binky (#AtoZChallenge).

 

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What is your pet’s name?

Affie. Her birth name is Aphrodite. The name does not suit her so we shorten it.

 

What kind of pet is she and what breed?

She is a purebred Coton de Tulear. This breed is similar to a Bichon except the fur is longer and more coton-like. She does not shed which is a plus for me since I am allergic to animal dander!

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How long have you had your pet friend?

About 13 years. Her birthday is in July.

 

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How did you get your pet?

“I grew up with dogs. I want a dog.”

“Uhm….okay? She has to hypoallergenic though”

“Okay!”

Two days later we had a puppy. My father is not a particularly impulsive man. He thinks everything through with an analytical eye. Adopting Affie was a different decision for him. He found her. He wanted her. He got her.

(By the way, we already had two cats…and little did we know, six months down the line, a second dog!)

 

How old is your pet?

Affie is almost 14 years old.

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What are some quirky things about your pet’s personality?

She is like a living stuffed animal. She is the most aloof, self-sufficient dog I have ever met. Most dogs spend time with their masters and shadow every step they take. They sleep at their feet, respond to their voice and are constant companions. Well, not Affie. She would make a great farm animal.

It’s not that she doesn’t love us. She just doesn’t need us. She is perfectly content being on her own. She sits at the window (rooms away from us) and watches the day float by.

The pets have a bowl of toys for when we are not around. Even when we are, Affie would rather play by herself.

Dad frequently makes fun of me and calls her my spitting image which, I guess, is very true.

Photo on 3-2-13 at 9.20 PM

 

What does your relationship to your pet mean to you?

My pets mean the world to me. My father travels a lot for work so my pack is my family. Sure, Affie is aloof and prefers to be on her own but her love is unwavering. She knows I am her owner, she knows I am her master and she knows I am “Mom”. She may not need me on the day to day but when she does, I am her first stop. When she is scared, I am the lap she sits in. On the off chance she needs me. I am there.

And, vice versa.

 

What are some of your favorite past times with your pet?

Nap time.

And, fetch. She runs around with a toy I chase her trying to get it back.

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Nicknames?

Affie-Taffie, Affs, Binky-Stinky, Binker.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

B

Website | Social Media Tag: #atozchallenge

AtoZ Challenge: A is for Abstract April

01 Saturday Apr 2017

Posted by in Nail Art

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The Blogging A to Z Challenge starts today! Every day in April, bloggers write a post about a word starting with the corresponding letter. I took part last year and loved every minute of it. I do not have a theme, like most blogs, but I know I will focus on nail art, rheumatoid arthritis, and animals. That’s theme enough, right?

 

For today’s nail art I took a leaf out of my friend Kim’s book (blog: KimettKolor). Last year, she created nail art for each month’s gemstone. Using her idea, I thought it was fitting to start out this month’s blogging challenge with April’s own birthstone, the diamond.

 

I hope you enjoy today’s look! It is ultra shiny and sparkly!

diamondsaprilBase: Barry M Cosmetics Chai, China Glaze Fairy Dust sparkle topper

Stamping: Pueen Cosmetics stamping plate PUEEN45, Color Club On the Rocks (silver), Zoya Matte Aspen (pearly white)

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

 

A

Website | Social Media tag: #AtoZChallenge

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