Tag Archives: rheumatoid arthritis

Isolation is the Key to Destruction

08 Saturday Sep 2018

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I’ve always been a bit of a loner. I prefer to stay on my own than go out with a group of people. So, when I was diagnosed with RA I wasn’t surprised I isolated myself even further.

Pride and embarrasment fueled this transition and I found myself pushing everyone away. I have always done this when I find myself weak: weak mentally and now, weak physically. I didn’t want people to see me in a state of pain, disability and sadness. But, friendship is a two way street and I would frequently counter the generic “oh wow, I haven’t heard from you in a while” with a “you could have reached out to me”. You know what my “friends” said?

“Out of sight, out of mind.”

Who can blame them. I hibernate and shy away from the world so how can I expect anyone to care enough to check in on me. There’s more to this, though. Most people find my RA a burden. I’m not sure why when they don’t have to live with this disabiling, disfiguring illness every second of every day. But, because humans are inately selfish, they believe that my illness affects them in some way.

I have never asked my friends for help or accomodations so I don’t know where this annoyance comes from. I know how to take care of myself and I know how to handle situations on my own so…

Why do people get annoyed with me for something I can’t control and that I don’t make anyone else’s problem?

 

Constant isolation destroys the human psyche. We are social animals who crave attention but honestly, I’ve only experienced negative feelings towards me so I continue to be on my own even though I know it will eventually lead to my own distruction.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

 

Diary Entry #1 – August 2018

30 Thursday Aug 2018

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August is always an odd month regarding my personal life so it’s only fitting my RA acted very strangely as well. On the 6th, my family mourns my mother’s passing. I generally flare just a little because I’m obviously not in a sunshiny mood but thankfully, my symptoms are never too bad.

I spend the rest of the month catching up on my online work, slow down my summer hours and gear up for the Fall season. I lower my Prednisone dose (sometimes unsucessfully) and just recharge for the months ahead.

Money is not necessarily tight but I do watch my dollars more because of Vet Day: The most expensive day of the year. Marmalade, Sunsilk and Affie all visit the doctor at the same time for their routine wellness and vaccines. While I know how much I’m spending it always hurts a little when I insert my card and watch all that money fly away. I’m honestly not at all fussed because I know how much I could be spending and if a few hundred dollars maintains their wellbeing than I’ll gladly fork that money over. By the way, all three geriatrics are happy and healthy!

This Fall was supposed to be special. I finally decided to get certified as a veterinary technician. I applied to the only community college that offered a good program and was all set to take the pre-requisite classes. I didn’t get off the wait list for the one orientation class and it is only offered in the Summer and Fall sessions. Well, it looks like I’m not getting into the program for another year. And, by then, what’s the point if I’m just going back to Colorado soon anyways? Do I really want to spend three more years here? I’m honestly not sure.

I don’t know, in general, August has been a funny month. I’ve found in past years it’s my “blue” month. I flare up and just feel unhappy, overall. This August has been fun in some ways though, but I know my head is not necessarily in the right place for seriously good things to happen.

Who knows what September will bring? Hopefully better opportunities.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

RA Writing

29 Wednesday Aug 2018

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I started this blog to document my journey with Rheumatoid Arthritis and soon after converted it to a nail art/beauty blog. I still want to write about my RA but it’s difficult for me because I am just not used to discussing it. I internalize all my problems and deal with them myself.

I need to get out of this mindset. Even though, I don’t anticipate a lot of people reading my inner thoughts and particularly caring, I just need to put these words out there. I’ve found that sometimes, just writing things down and getting them off my chest and out of my head helps me compartmentalize more.

Who knows? Maybe I’m just making shit up as I go along and I don’t actually don’t know anything.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

“Got Pets? In Flare? Try These Tips…” | RheumatoidArthritis.net

30 Monday Jul 2018

Posted by in Animal Sciences, Rheumatoid Arthritis

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I’ll be honest, though, when they act up (at the exact same time, of course) as well as get sick in a group, taking care of them is no joke. And, it gets less hysterical when I myself am ill.

https://rheumatoidarthritis.net/living/got-pets-in-flare-try-these-tips-for-the-same-level-of-care/

 

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Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Once More Into the Depths…Once More

25 Friday May 2018

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The Orencia biologic is an IV drug that suppresses the immune system. There are multiple biologics on the market and each hit a different part of the immune response. So far, Orencia has worked the best for me.

I have been on it for nearly three years straight. I was initially on the subcutaneous self-administered injections but they did not work nearly as effectively as the IV. Now, I go to the clinic once a month and sit for anywhere between 15 and 30 minutes.

I schedule my infusions for Friday because I need the weekend to recover. I used to ask for the day off but now I am free and clear to work. I don’t generally experience any side effects except for varying degrees of fatigue.

This past week has been a bit weird for me. I experienced a very localized “flare”. I hesitate in calling it a flare because my increase in symptoms (pain, fatigue and joint stiffness) are usually globalized. I have extreme pain in my hips, knees and ankles. Joints north of the equator felt fine. I felt pain staying in any one position for more than a couple of minutes (including just standing upright). I almost have full loss of motion and just an overall heavy feeling.

I really hope it’s just the Orencia cutting out early. Even though it works the best, for me, it sometimes only lasts two out of the four weeks. But, after my infusion today, I feel worse. I slept for almost 5 hours, totally lost to the world and when I woke up I felt like I was dying.

I won’t really worry until Monday because it takes a couple of days for the medication to kick in but, if the pain doesn’t go away by the beginning of next week then it’s probably not a flare and there must be something else going on, right?

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Satisfied Sunday and the Kindness of Strangers 4/16

17 Tuesday Apr 2018

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This week I am grateful for…

pexels-photo-1006115.jpeg…the kindness of strangers.

A really amazing thing happened yesterday. I had to buy cat litter (not the amazing part) and because of my back I purchased two 20 pound bags. I parked in the disability parking and struggled to get the bags into the trunk of my car. I turned to return the cart and a lovely man walked up to me and said…

“Let me take care of that for you.”

I was floored. I was a seemingly young person with no visible signs of disability yet this amazingly kind person offered me help with no judgement or questions.

He turned again to me and said “I hope you have a good day” to which I replied “thank you so much, I really appreciate it…I hope you do too!”

There are still some beautiful people left in the world. I am going to take a page out of this man’s book and pay it forward. Next time I see someone struggle, I will help them as best as I can.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

the Trouble with Pain is…

13 Tuesday Mar 2018

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I am in a weird/horrible mood right now. I am flared up (I think) because my energy levels are low, my brain is on neutral and I feel like I’m trudging through a mud puddle that sits neck high.

Usually, when I’m flared up, I just want to sleep. Unfortunately, today is not one of those days.

IMG_4125I have an abundance of energy coursing through my body. I have intense cabin fever but my body won’t cooperate!! I feel sick every time I move but I just want to take Mocha for a long walk. She is so playful today that a long hike suits her. But, I can’t comply.

It’s not even the flare. It’s the cold weather! I have a couple of weeks off from work and I have ample time to spend with the puppy but today, the temperature plummeted. I can’t exercise in the cold even if I were in good shape.

I have more or less come to terms with my illness and that I cannot do certain things anymore. But, every so often I am just too annoyed for words. I love being active…Why can’t I be active??

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.