Author Archives: MonicawithRA

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When I was a child…

27 Tuesday Aug 2013

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“When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child…”

People find me strange.  I turn giddy when I talk about the Hobbit. I wear my Winnie the Pooh earrings with pride. I manage to connect any real life event with I Love Lucy. I show no fear when gushing about Scooby Doo.

People say I never grow up.

I am ok with that. I have been through enough in my life to know that it is important to remember the happiest memories. For me, those memories are my childhood. I watched I Love Lucy marathons with my mother. I watched Scooby Doo cartoons in the morning. I read Winnie the Pooh books every night. I was happy and carefree. I did not worry about the future. I did not worry about college or what happens after I got that degree.

The world was open to my dreams and expectations.

I did not know limitations.

I worry so much now. Those memories keep me grounded. I am not afraid of showing my passion for my childhood obsessions. Those obsessions remind me of a time when I was always happy. I am rarely happy anymore. I am overwhelmed but I find peace in the small hidden treasures in the back of my mind.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Nail Art: Strawberries and Cream

26 Monday Aug 2013

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I was painting my nails when I was reminded of the snacks my mother used to make me after school. She suffered from Lupus and kept a healthy diet which I followed. I rarely ate ice cream or cake. I never had soda or any other carbonated beverage. I even drank fresh vegetable juice. 

I never had a big sweet tooth but my favorite after-school snack was strawberries and cream. My mother sliced strawberries in a bowl of milk and sprinkled a little sugar on top. 

Zoya "Kissy" and SerumNo5 "Happy Special Day" over China Glaze "Fuchsia"

Strawberries and Cream

I started with two layers of China Glaze “Fuchsia”. It is a great bright pink. It is a little too bright for my skin tone but I think it is pretty anyways. The formula is thin but not runny. It did not streak on the nail even on one coat.

I added a coat of Zoya “Kissy”. It is a dense pink shimmer suspended in a clear base. There are a few shiny silver rectangular glitters as well. The formula is smooth and the pink glitter is dense. It is very difficult to find any of the rectangular pieces, even after shaking the bottle. Within seconds they collect at the bottom.

I can not help layering Serum No5 “Happy Special Day” over everything! Especially if I am not doing any nail art. I have ranted about this polish here.

 

My diet has definitely changed since my diagnosis: I stay away from starch, cut out most junk foods and lower my lactose intake. Even so, I will always enjoy my strawberries and cream.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

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The Power of a Good Book

25 Sunday Aug 2013

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“I wish it need not have happened in my time,” said Frodo.
“So do I,” said Gandalf, “and so do all who live to see such times. But that is not for them to decide. All we have to decide is what to do with the time that is given us.”

In my first blog post I mentioned that I hoped writing online would prove therapeutic to me. I can honestly write down my feelings and have a conversation. I can express my thoughts to an audience who does not have to respond or judge.

After I posted my last entry I felt a great relief wash over me. I wish I had known this two weeks ago. I keep a personal hand-written journal but it is different. The only audience is me.

After the relief wore off I thought clearly about the things that make me happy. One of them: Lord of the Rings. Reading the trilogy brings me a sense of calm. I love to read but that is the only book capable of transporting me into another world. A world I can imagine myself in, a world I want to live in. No matter what is happening in my life, I know Lord of the Rings will carry me through.

The book not only paints a vivid picture but is full of quotes that give me peace and hope. One of my favorites is from The Fellowship of the Ring. I think it fits my situation perfectly. It lifts me up and makes me want to work through my issues.

I know I have to find a stable coping mechanism for my disease. It used to be climbing but I am not always able to do that. It will take some time and I am sure I will hit blocks along the way. I just need to remember that there are soft pieces of wall I can break through without harming myself. (A reference from my last post).

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Stuck in the Tunnel (August Blues, Part Two)

25 Sunday Aug 2013

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I feel like I have been stuck in a tunnel for two weeks: I am unmotivated, flared up, and depressed. I think of something to do to lift my spirits and I hit the wall. I turn to the other side in hopes that I find something else and that wall is just as close and concrete. I am on the same path forward but the end of the tunnel is so far.  I am unhappy on this path. It is not what I want for my life. I can turn 180 degrees and get out that way, but I am going backwards. That is never an option.

The tunnel analogy falls apart at the end, but I hope that other people with autoimmunes understand. Sometimes, it feels like rheumatoid arthritis shuts me in and I only have one path available to me. I want to break out. I want to use my shoulders and elbows to break through the walls. Unfortunately, I do not have the energy.

Before this diagnosis, whenever I felt trapped I would barrel myself through the wall. I would break myself out of my rut. I could do anything I wanted, be whatever I wanted. Now, I do not have the energy, mentally or physically.

This probably goes hand in hand with my August Blues. I know my mood always dips, but it never dips this far. Every time I find an option, I feel dwarfed by the RA. Maybe I am not trying hard enough to break out. That is the problem with depression, though. It zaps my motivation to get out. I am ok with wallowing in my own self-pity, as awful as it makes me feel.

For now I will walk this one path. Hopefully, I will find a soft piece of wall.

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Nail Art: Bright Lights in the Tunnel

25 Sunday Aug 2013

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I have been overwhelmingly low recently so I have not prepared any posts. I finally got myself to paint my nails. I decided to go bright colors in hopes that I might feel better.

I started with two coats of Essie “Blanc”. I then used the cling-wrap method to splotch the colors on top. For the colors I used Urban Outfitters “Westside”, Milani “Peacock”,  and OPI “Red Lights Ahead…Where?”. I alternated adding the colors in dots and stripes just to see if the effect would be different. It splotched the same.

Bright Cling-Wrap Mani

I let the colors dry for about 30 seconds before adding a very thin layer of butter London “Knackered”. I cling-wrapped lightly. It added a little shimmer without being too overwhelming. It is a very sheer color so it did not affect the colors underneath. I finished the look with a coat of Seche Vite Top Coat which softened the look and then added a coat of INM Northern Lights Holographic Top Coat. It is an amazing glitter top coat. The shimmer is very sparse and subtle. It adds a little finishing touch.

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

Nail Art: A Little Too Circular

22 Thursday Aug 2013

Posted by in Nail Art, Reviews

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After my last post I had circles on the brain.

Since June 2011 (when I was diagnosed) I have noticed certain patterns: In June, I laugh at the sheer ridiculousness of how my life has turned out; in August, my mood drops; in November, I worry about how my body will react to the weather and if I will get sick; February is always an awful month; between April and June, I am the happiest. 

When I worked two jobs I drove in a circle. I started at home, I drove to the first job, took the road that connected both jobs, and then I took the highway back home in the evening. A diamond without the sharp edges. 

It is unfortunate that my health is tied to my father’s but that is how life is. As Newton’s Third Law of Motion states: For every action there is an equal and opposite reaction.

Urban Outfitters “Blue Velvet” over Milani “Peacock”

I apologize for my sloppy stamping, I am still practicing getting the polish onto the rubber stamper.

For this nail art, I applied two coats of Milani “Peacock”. This has a fantastic formula for a pastel blue creme. It is not goopy or runny and has the right consistency for an even, thin layer. It dries quickly which is always a plus.

I used a bobby pin to apply dots of Milani High Speed Fast Dry “Quick Teal” and OPI “Red Lights Ahead…Where?”.

I used Bundle Monster’s plate “322” and Urban Outfitters “Blue Velvet”. This was such an impulse buy. I was itching to buy a new nail polish and I was standing in line at the Urban Outfitters check out. For four dollars I thought ‘why not buy one?’.  Honestly, I did not expect to like this polish. I mean, most times you get what you pay for! This polish is absolutely amazing. The polish is on the thinner side. That is my personal preference. It is easier to apply even coats and I do not need as steady a hand. By itself it is absolutely electric. I am not a huge blue fan for my nails but I really love this color.

Urban Outfitters “Blue Velvet”

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.

A Little Too Circular

21 Wednesday Aug 2013

Posted by in Rheumatoid Arthritis

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Last night, my dad ended up in hospital. His blood pressure sky-rocketed to 212/85. He has a tendency to hypertension but his pressure has never been that high before.

Yesterday, I had a doctor’s appointment. We decided that since I will be in the area for a few more months we should try sitting for the monthly Orencia infusion in lieu of the weekly subcutaneous injections. Well, first off: Yay. I am not starting from scratch which means I should not feel worse for the time being. Still sucks though. I would hope by now my medications would stabilize.

Even though this is not the worst news it still worries my father. I think that worry translated into his famous “cluster” headaches which in turn caused his pressure to hit the roof.

I work in the medical profession as a veterinary technician. I keep my head during an emergency and I stay calm until I need to worry. Honestly, the first thing that RA has taught me: there is no such thing as a personal emergency anymore.

How long am I going to stay out? Do I have food and water? Do I have enough to take my medications at the right time? Do I have the most important medications in case I need to take them away from home? Do I have my insurance cards? Do I have my list of medications?

I never know what course my autoimmune will take or how quickly so I need to be prepared at all times.

I kept a cool head. My dad knew to take his blood pressure medication immediately so thankfully his pressure began to fall. I stayed with him while he was in emergency which was thankfully only a few hours while they ran blood tests.

When I got home, I fell asleep immediately. When I woke up this morning, my knees and hips were more stiff than usual and I had more difficulty completing my normal tasks.

I have to cook the dog veggies today so in order to do that, I need to rest up. Also, if I want to be functional tomorrow, I need to take it easy today and not exacerbate my current condition.

Round and round it goes, my health takes a dip so my dad’s takes a dip which means mine will inevitably take a dip as well.

Just for Fun: Marmalade exhibits a circle!

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.