Resentment is an interesting emotion.

It reeks of self-hatred but does not register in the mind as such.

It builds a pressure within the mind that cannot be released by positive influences alone.

It burrows like a termite that once inside it builds its nest with strength and silence.

Resentment goes undetected until the structure gives way.

It grows quickly.

All it takes is one instant, one second, one thought for it to take root.

 

Where does it start?

Is it regret stemmed from actions?

Is it self-loathing?

Or

Is it a rationalization when events do not go our way?

It purely a selfish emotion but I cannot help but feel it. The RA has changed my perception:

 

I resent able-bodied people.

I resent myself for having this disability.

I resent the people who know about my condition and still blame me when I am unable to complete a task.

I resent the people who say “But you seem ok!”

Are you kidding?!

“Seeming ok” is a struggle.  Just because I appear healthy does not mean that I am.

I resent myself for not making a bigger deal of my situation.

 

Do resentment and regret go hand in hand?

I feel resentment because of my own formed opinions. I feel regret over actions that I find embarrassing or did not end up the way I wished them.

 

I have control over regret. This is not the case with resentment.

I feel resentful of my condition because sometimes I cannot control it.

 

Hi, my name is Monica and I have RA.